Sunday, December 21, 2008

Crazy Boiling Over

I have been trying to come up with something to blog about. I really want to stay away from whining about my life, my job and everything else. All I can think about is how annoyed I am with everything. I know I should be thankful for all we have and I am, but it isn't how we would like life to be.

First off, I signed on full time at Walmart. I was originally hired as a seasonal worker but they asked me to sign on full time (actually I was on the schedule after Christmas and so I went and talked to my manager and they had changed me to full time without talking to me. Funny.). I know it is a blessing that I can keep my job but I hate working. I want to be a full time mom. I am frustrated with how little Rick gets done with his freelance while I am sleeping during the day. I am frustrated that no one will even interview him, let alone hire him. I am frustrated that I am missing out being with my girls all the time. I am just glad that I like my job for the most part and don't really mind being there. I work with mostly good people and get along with most of them. It may be a fairly simple job that anyone with half a brain could do but I feel a sense of accomplishment when I go home everyday. I can look at my department and know that I have left it better than when I got there. It is just not what I ever saw myself doing. It is not what I had in the plans.

Second thing that is on my mind is this weather. I know it is very typical winter weather for most parts of the country but for Washington it is very abnormal. The last time it was like this was when I got married. Maybe it is just Mother Natures way of wishing Rick and me a happy 5th anniversary? I like the rain and can't wait for all of this snow and ice to melt. It is really hard to get to work and I even called in tonight just because I didn't want to get stuck at work. If I wanted to deal with this kind of weather I would live in Idaho. ;) So lets move on already.

The third thing I have been thinking about recently is my wedding anniversary coming up. Rick and I will be married 5 years on January 3rd (as stated in the last paragraph) and I want us to do something special together even if it is just to get away from the kids. But with him out of work I am going to feel really guilty if we spend any money. Should we just say whatever and go treat ourselves to dinner, a movie, or whatever we want or just sit at home moping that we don't get to do anything fun to celebrate and regret we never did anything to celebrate this milestone? I am started to lean toward just doing whatever but it keeps rolling around in my mind.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for but I feel like the world is against us these days. I just hope that I can enjoy Christmas and that next year will be better for everyone than this year was. Hopefully with new leadership and with some common sense we can get ourselves out of the mess we are in and learn from it.

Thanks for reading my rantings. The crazy is just starting to boil over. :)

1 comment:

Brooke said...

Mine and Rusty's anniversary is on Jan. 2, and because it is so close to Christmas, pretty much every year we have to just celebrate at home. But I always try to make it special anyways. If you live close to your mom, see if she will take the kids, go rent a movie, and I always make something for dinner that we rarely get (like Steak) and I always buy one of those sparkling ciders just so it feels a little different. Go buy two pieces of cheesecake, and just be together. That is really the most important part about it anyway, right? I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. I have been in a similar situation a few years ago, and I remember the despair I felt. It was overwhelming and my stomach was always in knots. Good luck, and I'm thinking about you!