Thursday, November 19, 2009

Thankful for...

Since it is almost Thanksgiving and I don't know how much access I will have to a computer next week, I thought I would write down some of the things that I am thankful for. So much has happened this year and last year at this time, I felt like I had nothing to be thankful for. Life was turned upside down and I had to struggle just to be a little happy and being thankful was far from my mind. So the first thing I am thankful for is that this year seems to be full of more pluses than minuses. I am very thankful for that!

I am thankful for my husband. He is my best friend. We were fortunate enough to become best friends before we ever became more than that and I think it has always helped our marriage. He works so hard and had such a rough year but he tried to stay positive and do everything he could to help our family and take care of us. He is the best father in the whole world. Those little girls have him wrapped around their fingers! He will do anything for them and I am so grateful for all of the things he does and sacrifices he makes. I love you, Rickypoo!

I am also thankful for my girls! Keira and Elaina are so different yet they each bring a much needed balance to our family. They always have a way to make me laugh and they love to make each other laugh. Being a mom to two little girls can be hard work but the rewards always outweigh the trials. I am so glad that they were sent to our family and I can't imagine my life without them.

I am so grateful for our house. I really have a love/hate relationship with it but I am so glad that we have a place to keep us warm and is sufficient for our needs.

I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without it. I am grateful that I was raised in the church and that my children are being raised in the church. I am grateful for the law of tithing, which I know gave us the blessing that enabled us to keep our house, feed our children and keep our way of life this past year. No matter what the struggles, always pay your tithing! You will be blessed. I know that for a fact. I am so grateful for friendships that I have made through the gospel and will continue to make.

I have many other things to be thankful for but these are some of the major ones. I hope we can all remember the things that we are thankful for all year long and I need to remember to keep a positive attitude and count my blessings! I am the worse for being negative, but I have so many good things going on right now that I need to remember them.

Have a great Thanksgiving!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Anger Issues

I have been having issues with anger lately. I have always had a temper. It is just part of my disposition I can't shake. I am mostly pretty calm and casual but things can really set me off. It has been frustrating me lately because it seems to all come out at my three year old, Keira. Anyone who has had a three year old will tell you that they can make the terrible twos seem like the happy, joy joy twos. She doesn't listen to anything I say. She either ignores me or tells me no. I am sure my mom thinks its hilarious because I was just as annoying but I fear for my ability to parent with love. I get so angry I end up spanking her or making her go to her room just to get her out of my face. I don't always think she understands why she is in trouble even though she is doing something that is wrong. I read the talk that President Monson gave in the Priesthood session of General Conference last month and it really spoke to me. I really need to mellow out but I have no idea how.

Rick and I had a big discussion about this very thing last night when I got angry at Keira for not picking up her toys after I asked. I asked repeatedly and she ignored me and ignored me and then went and "hid" in my room, giggling the whole time because she KNEW that wasn't what she was suppose to be doing. I came in and asked her to get out and pick up the toys and when she decided to ignore me again, I spanked her and put her down next to the toys and yelled at her to do it. So she did it, crying the whole time and my husband told me I had been too rough.  He had no alternate ideas about how I should have handled the situation which annoyed me even more. AHHH! I am getting angry just thinking about it. I don't know what else to do. I get so frustrated at her ignoring me. What do you do in this or similar situations? Time outs sometimes work but half the time she won't sit still in the time out or her sister comes over and plays with her and it really doesn't end up being a punishment. I don't feel like it gets to her. I doubt I am ever going to quit spanking. I don't care what your opinion is about that. I just don't know what to do to get through to her. I really don't want her to have the childhood that I had of never ending spankings and restrictions but I feel like that is how she is going to have it.

I think overall my children are loved and have a great family life. We do the best we can. I just want to be a good mom and I hope that they know that I love them because I tell them multiple times a day. Even after this whole blow up, I went up to Keira and told her that I loved her and she gave me a big hug and said she loved me too. So then I felt even worse. Being a mom is the hardest, most rewarding thing in the world.