I have had a lot on my mind recently but every time I think I want to write an entry on this blog I am afraid it will come across as me whining so I just shut it off and don't write anything. I guess that I just feel like someone is picking on me. I start thinking (usually at work when I have nothing else to do but think while I am stocking) this wasn't how life was suppose to go. Rick was suppose to be the working guy and I was going to stay home with the kids. If we needed extra money I would teach piano. I get really frustrated that life is not going how we thought it would.
So at church, which I have a hard time staying awake for since it is right after my eight hour shift, they have had many talks which I feel they have written specifically for me to listen to. I have never really felt that way about most talks. Not that they are bad or that I don't listen to them but most of them I don't feel are really talking to me much. Just good, basic things we should hear. However, for the past couple months I think that just about EVERY talk given at church was written for me. It seems that whatever was on my mind is specifically addressed in a talk the next Sunday. One talk that has especially stood out in my mind was to enjoy your life as it is now. The lady giving it said that she spend most of her young adult life waiting for it to get better and not realizing that even though she has trials, there is a lot in her life right now to enjoy and be a part of. That is where my working mom lesson comes in.
Most of you know that I am working full time, overnight as a Walmart stocker. Through all of that I am trying not to say just work through it, it will be better later. What I do is spend time with my children when I can. Or if I get frustrated with how life is right now I just remember that they are only going to be this little once and I need to have fun with them. I usually just have to start thinking about my kids if I am frustrated with life and I will usually get a little happier. Even if it is them I am frustrated with.
I am also trying (really, truly I am!) to be patient with my husband. Most guys were just not meant to be stay at home dads and he is no exception. Not that he isn't good at it and has gotten much better as time has gone by but it isn't what he wants to be doing and he gets very frustrated very easily. He also has different priorities than I think he should have so this makes us butt heads on who's way we should do things. I am trying to learn to let go and let him run the house the way he sees fit (although I fail at this quite often). I think we are having this trial so that we can walk for a while in each others shoes. I think our marriage will probably always be stronger for it if we can just survive this trial! He will always know first hand what it is like to be stuck at home all day with two cranky kids and a dirty house that you have no time to clean and I will know what it is like to just want to come home and lay down for a while. These are things that many one income families don't go through and maybe would be a good lesson for all (although voluntarily would probably be nicer than by necessity).
The most important thing I have learned is that we need to rely on our Heavenly Father. We should have a good relationship with him and follow his commandmants at all times but when times get tough that is what we need to hold on to. It would be so easy for me to just come home from work on Sundays and go to bed but I go to church every Sunday, stay awake through Sacrament meeting (if I can do it, anyone can!) and then do my calling to the best of my ability. I also have a firm testimony of tithing which I have always had but has been strengthened by this financial trial. Even though we are not rolling in the dough, we have always paid our tithing and we have been able to make enough to meet all of our basic needs at the very least and we have been blessed by the kindnesses of others.
There are probably more lessons that I have learned that I can't think of right now or will not be apparent for many days, months, or years down the road. I do hope that Rick gets a job soon, make no mistake about that, but I know that this has happened for a reason and that if we try to do what is right we will come out of it better people.
(Thanks for reading my rantings. :))